Love Me Right

They call what is forbidden free

What a lovely word, free

They say it’s natural

So celebrate it, celebrate yourself

But nature, nature does not

Kill itself

I celebrate my eyes my hair my skin

My height, my hands, my fingers, my feet

But I do not celebrate me being a liar

And parade my lies as protection or wit or common sense

Of which you should not discriminate

Of which you should approve

I do not celebrate me being a murderer

And pretend that murder is an artful expression of my emotions,

of anger or passion which you should accept

Of which you should approve

I do not extol my rebellion as an attempt to be an individual, unique person

Of which you should not hate

Of which you should approve

No, don’t do that.

I am a liar

When I was angry, I murdered

When I was rebellious, I disobeyed, I dishonored

That doesn’t mean I want you to celebrate me doing wrong, being wrong

If you love me, really love me,

Make me right

Teach me truth

Teach me forgiveness

Teach me obedience

Don’t let me fall

Don’t let me be

the worst person I can be

We are all trying to be better

Help me be better

It took me a great deal of nerve  to put this up, to call for help

I did it anyway

Because this is how I’ll know you love me

Eden

And all at once I’m back in Eden

By the once-blessed tree

A fine thing of beauty, a gift

I had poisoned, I had cursed with a bite

The charming shadow slithers by

Winding it’s familiar way up as if I were a friend

And I was once, wasn’t I

And I was an enemy, wasn’t I

Already he is dripping honeyed words

Bitter layered with sweet

Pain coated for pleasure

Evil hiding good

Death taken for life

All these so hauntingly familiar

Heard them so many times

Believed them too

Surely he did not say you couldn’t… but it feels so good, it feels right…it is a good and beautiful thing, why shouldn’t you enjoy it… it doesn’t harm anyone, no one knows… he wants you to be happy, if this makes you happy, why not…no see, if you did this then it would be wrong but this, this isn’t all wrong…

The restless slip of a forked tongue

Flickering incessantly between scaly lips

Once upon a time, they were my thoughts

They had become mine without me knowing

Maybe it’s not so bad… he really didn’t say I couldn’t… I’m just enjoying what is good…

We both sounded the same I couldn’t tell us apart.

Now, I stare straight ahead

I’d heard all these before

I know what they are

Lies.

They killed me once, twice

Over and over

Yet, my itching ears delights to hear them

My foolish foolish body wants to believe them again

In the garden a battle is raging

Flesh and Spirit vying for the Soul

The sword, the sword, I reach for it

Fiery, sharpened with words of truth

My Lord and I, we’d spent time to sharpen it

Daily we’d sharpen it

I wouldn’t have known when I’d need it

But I was not ready to fall, armed

Simply because it was blunt

I hold it up now, flashing, alive

Only truth can burn so bright

The serpent masks its flinch

As I read from it, beautiful words of life

He tries and tries again

And I read and read

He puts up a fight, he knows what to say

But so do I, because My Lord gave these words to me

At last he leaves me, his backward glance

A knowing, sour look

We will meet again

I collapse for a bit,

Struck down but not destroyed

Eden shivers and fades

But I know it’s only a matter of time

I pick up my sword, faithful friend

Clean it and begin to carve again

Friends 

Love is

When a dear

Calls you twenty minutes before a test

To ask after you

To wish you the best

And to

Pray for you 

Albeit with eyes open

Lest she walks into a wall

No big gesture

Or flowery words.

In that short call

Another beam shines through the rafters

Warming the heart 

Long after the sunset

Another grain of sand bottled

Another love story carved in stone.

It’s in the little things ❤️

Hot Tears

Hot tears

Because I’m still the fool

I thought I got wiser

But it wasn’t enough

Down on one side, two sides, three

So old, a decent amount of years

But still the same fool

I did it because I wanted to

Really wanted to

Not because I thought it showed for something

Or won me brownie points

It didn’t matter to me

If I got a little less to eat

Or walked a longer way

It seemed so small when it was compared

But I definitely didn’t do it

Out of

Obligation

Horrid word

How did love become taken for

Obligation

I regulate

I really do

Then why does it always always 

Blow up in my face

Will I never be wise enough

To know what to do

What not to do

It’s been so long

Had my share of bitter burns

Then why am I still

The fool?

Will I ever not be this fool

Tell me

Tell me that I won’t remain so

I’m half sorry it became all about me

That I couldn’t wait till

After Easter

Doesn’t feel like it anymore

Easter, that is

Give me the night

And I’ll give you what’s left of me

In the morning

It won’t be much

And I wouldn’t want to give you leftovers

But hopefully

It’ll be more than before

And for the one who loves me

Too much not to chide

Such a thankless job

Whatever you say

Prunes me

Always painful but always true

It hurts

And you miss here and there

But thanks anyway

Dropped Thought

I feel like I’m waiting for something, one or two somethings. It’s silly because one of them isn’t mine to wait. 

Maybe I’ll just wait for Sunday. At least, at most, I can wait for Easter.