You would know that the last thing on my mind was my upcoming essay
that would never be written anymore.
You’d know because the last thing I had written were in my notes:
‘Establish measure for identity formation’ 30 October 2015, 11.31 am.
And you’d know that I was glad to have been making progress with my essay.
My last spoken words would have been ‘Teh, Dabao.’ Then ‘Xie Xie.’ She would have been the last person I talked to.
My last meal would have been a waffle, with peanut butter generously slathered over the crispy squared wells.
The last traces I had left behind would have been a great irony. I left behind a neat dorm room with my bed all made and the floor swept. I would have left tidily.
The last song I would have sung was the tenor two part of Pentatonix’s ‘Cheerleader’ with the acapella group last night. At least we’d finish it. Our group still doesn’t have a name, and I would never know what they’d pick or what they would sing next.
The last thing I would have laughed about was over my bad accents with my roommate last night.
The last thing I would have read was Alvin Pang’s ‘Candles’. My roommate and I did a reading. It was funny.
The last thing I would have properly written was a poem to a very stressed out friend.
The last email I would have received was a short one liner notification from a reader prompting me to continue my fanfiction.
The last dream I would have had was of being a G.I Joe rescuing Orla Fallon from a war concentration camp.
The last piece I would have played on the piano would have been Matt Redman’s ‘Endless Hallelujah.’
The last verse I would have read was John 20:30-31. It had been the verse of the day.
If I had died on the train this morning
I would have missed the bachelorette’s dinner we were throwing for our cousin tonight.
I would have missed tomorrow’s band practice and music ministry day.
I would have missed the wushu competition.
I would have missed serving on Sunday.
I would have missed all the exams till December.
I would have missed the end of semester barbecue.
I would have missed the acapella practices on Thursdays.
I would have missed Christmas and all the partying that happens at Christmas.
I would have missed my overseas exchange the next year.
I would have missed out on love. I would have missed out on life.
I would have missed out.
So many things would suddenly become so important
If I died on the train this morning.
You would know all that I’d left behind,
you could still pick up the pieces
but I would never know
if I died on the train this morning
if I died,
would you cry?