Was feeling conflicted by how amazing God’s love is and how crappy I am as a person and how a crappy person could rejoice and worship Him sincerely over His victory over death knowing how crappy they aree

But of course, it’s not about me

I am glad and I do rejoice that He is alive and there is a hope for the world. My unworthiness doesn’t downplay that. God is God.

I wasn’t as focused as I’d liked to have been this Lent, until Holy Week started last Monday. And then suddenly God just did His thing as if to say “you can’t do this by your own effort child do it on my effort” and He just started a fire/hunger in my heart to be pure and to desire Him, to be made more aware of His presence in my sinful fleshly body. I saw how I was helpless to my flesh without Him and how much He was doing and how if I were lazy (and I still was) I would fall all over the place.

He really just did His thing. His presence was so strong and I know He was trying to teach me stuff.

Also was so ministered to at the stations, I think especially at the third one with the trial with the Sanhedrin and the fourth one of Peter denying Jesus. Ungh I cannot take how He had to restrain himself with all the powers of Heaven at His command to take all that pain and humiliation. Like, I would have rained fire and brimstone and unleashed my wrath because I can and you guys wouldn’t even know what hit you, Sanhedrin. And I’ve been Peter so many times ungh it sucks. Actually I was ministered more than that but those were the most outstanding. Time to watch The Passion of the Christ.

I had a great weekend.

So thankful for friends. I have been so supported by friends who pray for me and look after me and encourage me unghh I wish I could be a better friend but too self-absorbed. Their prayers worked miracles and my essay sorted itself out on Friday before the due date at midnight. The whole week writing the essay I was in some kind of numbed state of mind even though I was/should be panicking over the lack of ideas. In fact, I was panicking because I wasn’t panicking enough. Ok, not really. Was really to lazy to panic even over that. And it only worked out on the day of the deadline. Stuff. Weww. So relieved afterwards.

Took the Saturday off after my essay liberation on Friday and my cousin came over and we played every Wii game I owned. Much fun much tired.

Theatre exam is in my face tomorrow and I’m just like aughhhhh. I wish I could act like Carol unghhh only appreciating how genius she is.

Had a piano therapy sesh because completely emo and uninspired. Played the longest I had for a while. Dug up all my songs. So gud.

But the thing that cheered me up and made me cry a little was watching the video of my homie get baptised today in Manchester! Wewww happy tears. I love these things I am so happy for herrr. ❤ Yay so that’s defo worth rejoicing over myself. Perspective perspective.

 

React

just an off-the-bat response to, um, something:

what about judging others for good things what about judging on judging what about loving before judging where loving does not mean accepting everything someone does what about judging as a way of loving because there is still right and wrong what about the extent one can or is allowed to judge what about simply having opinions how about the freedom to have standards kept which is something you get through judging a piece of work for quality what about the freedom to improve which also comes through some form of judgement how about judging the product and not the character and not mixing them up to consider that judgement as malice

#triggeredslightly

Augh no fair Ryan you got closure and I didn’t augh.

Waheva. Too lazy to go on.

I’m in the auditorium now and it’s like I’ve come home at last. It’s been too long. Didn’t have any classes here last sem so I’ve virtually not been here for a year. Oh how I’ve missed this. Childhood. Year one childhood.

Also got a jumpstart on my readings and finished Henrik Ibsen’s An Enemy of the People. So many feels. So. Many. FEELS. Ungh love Ibsen. Loved his Dollhouse. Loved this. Still trying to sort out thoughts.

Basically. I think. Everyone has their vested interest yes, as evidenced by everyone’s support/betrayal of the doctor. Majority doesn’t mean truth, as per what the doctor said. But minority doesn’t mean it either. The number of people believing in something doesn’t qualify something as truth. Then again what is truth. It’s odd because I feel that context wise it’s science=truth vs tradition/majority and I agree with the doctor’s arguments for the science part but I don’t agree with the wider repercussions of science vs others. Because my truth lies with the others. Actually my truth intersects both. So agree with the thought process, but iffy on the content and what that means on a wider scale.

Actually I don’t know. I just thought it was intense and dramatic and real and modern and I loved the angst minus the iffiness.

And iffy where Petra was talking about the English book she was supposed to translate where it was described to be about “a supernatural power that looks after the so-called good people in this world and makes everything happen for the best in their case – while all the so-called bad people are punished.” Only talking about this because it sounds like something someone might say about the Bible. I say might because I don’t honestly think anyone who reads the whole Bible would sum it up in such a way. Like, you can’t just walk away from reading the Bible and just draw such a small conclusion, or that kind of conclusion anyhows. It would be a complete missing the forest for the trees. I just can’t grasp that any General Intelligent Reader could possibly come to that summary.

Also got lost at the last act where everyone was counter-offering the doctor to retract his statement. But love the angst. Loved how the doctor decided to stay. Loved how everyone didn’t dare to do anything because of “public opinion”. LOVED CAPTAIN HORSTER. 够讲义气. Can’t decide/haven’t thought through the sentiments of curs and all that breeding animal stuff yet.

Some stuff about gender and feminism around the doctor’s wife and her interests in protecting the family/the children while standing up for her husband. Some more stuff about society and the free individual’s rights and responsibilities.

I think I should do these spews more often. And then maybe another round when I’m more enlightened after tutorials.

Today, Scottish prof was amiable and gave out cans of soft drink, Irn Bru, at a 9.30am class which is apparently Scotland’s second national drink after whisky (which he had to restrain himself from giving out because then he would get the sack and he still has to support his family…Ibsen reference!). Prof shaved and he looks like Harry Potter now. And he looks so much happier being in a small class teaching solely Scottish Lit so I’m bought over to give him/Scottish Lit a chance. Hwaha.

Sensibility and Romanticism prof was so cute too.

So much history today cos intro lectures.

Need to do stufff.

For The Record

Heyyy friends~ So. It’s been exactly one month since I came to the UK! Milestone! The month actually turned out pretty well so, much pleased. ^.^ Need to update y’all and share my joys huehue. Maaay be a bit of a long-ish, touch-and-go post because there are just so many things to update onnn. So yeah. Ok leggo.

Flat Family

As of today, there are six of us in all, all present and correct. There’s Ryan and Vicki and Shawn and then Krystal and Ruth came to join us later. Krystal’s from Hong Kong so she’s a fab cook haha. Ruth is from Singapore (yay fellow Singaporean!) and she was so relieved to have met me because she was so tired of speaking in proper sentences all the time (Singlish ftw). We’re teaching Ryan and Shawn bits of Singlish because they think it’s cool lol. So far, we have imparted walao and aiyah and sian but they’re tone’s all wrong so win some, lose some.

Our flat is seriously the cutest flat ever and honestly such a godsend. We were pretty tight from the start and we’re already pretty much a (flat) family (awww). We subscribed to our local supermart’s online grocery delivery service to have food sent to our residence every week and I don’t know why but getting groceries together and sharing food gives me much family feels. Legit family yo.

It was Vicki’s birthday the first week and the flat sprung a surprise for her. We pretended we forgot/didn’t know it was her birthday and we didn’t wish her at all the whole day, then we went and baked her a cake in the evening. We even hung up a ‘happy birthday’ banner and got her a card but we didn’t get her a present because we didn’t really know her very well yet. Shawn wanted to get her a heart-shaped ‘I love you’ balloon because “won’t you be happy getting a ‘I love you’ balloon?” Ryan and I stopped him though, because we were grocery shopping (manually before we got our delivery service) and we weren’t going to carry a balloon around. The cake turned out to be super flat but since it was from the flat. Flat cake flatcake. Yay.

Then we headed to York for a day trip the second weekend! It was loads of fun because it was a free and easy kind of thing so we didn’t have to rush to places. We just moseyed around and took touristy shots. We went on tour around York Minster which was gorgeous and I got some really pretty postcards there. Then we went to the York Castle Museum and then Ryan and I went up to the Clifford Tower. The view is amazing. So much medieval feels. Weather was something else though. It would drizzle and then the sun would come out for photo taking and the wind just blew us around the whole day. Wind ruined my hair, ruined my photos. Why wind why. Cold.

Currently, only five of us are present in the flat because Krystal is out frolicking in Bath and Exeter with another flat family friend and being a proper tourist. The rest of us went for the volleyball open day last week just to try out. We all had basic volleyball skills so that’s good. Ruth, Shawn and I called quits after the first hour. We came back with bruised wrists. Ryan was fine though. He had been playing about 6 months back. The last I played was probably 12.

Continue reading “For The Record”