so what did i miss


Back from the dead.

But I didn’t want to say it so loud yet in case I jinxed things.

I don’t actually know how I got here.

I got tired of myself and falling into a sin I didn’t want to keep anymore. It still took me a while to kick it though, because I’d still turn to it just for hecks. So I had to be intentional about it. Just not. Going there.

I don’t know when the turn happened. All I knew was that I was ready to be rid of it and was getting serious about kicking it so I stopped feeling hypocritical when I prayed. Great start.

Also, a lot of things happening, moving in the Spirit. Things to do. That I realise I can’t be down and out now. There are just too many things to do.

God things, of course. And I need to be on the same page with God to be able to do them.

I’m feeling a holy burden. For exactly what, I can’t say yet. But it feels like it’s something to do with prayer. The thing with holy burdens is that you want to do so much at once and you want to do it now and also I’m scared of the possibly many obstacles and discouragements along the way. But it’s so heavy. I feel a fire starting somewhere.

Actually, I feel like there’s a fire started somewhere already in my community, in my country. Just needs to catch a blaze. Fan fan.

I prayed for my cousin today. And I’m really proud of that, not because of me but because I was working onboard with God. Like, I felt Him prompting me in my Spirit to do it. And it happened. And I didn’t chicken out. Praise the Lord~

Nothing extremely spectacular followed per se, as it always seems to in testimonies. It was more of a big deal for me and the act of praying for somebody, a testimony of God for His strength in allowing me to do that for someone I love, than anything else.

She was really touched and I just felt that something beautiful happened there and then. It was just a moment but I felt that God was there and He did do something, however small, revealing His heart and love for people. And I felt she was moved, not by my prayer (lel nervous so I missed out some points here and there) but that I was praying for her, the gesture of prayer itself.

Rediscovering the privilege of prayer. Feeling that we don’t do it as often as if should, to intercede for people, as we are called to do as a chosen people and priesthood. Sure, we do it in our prayer closets at home, and we should do that, but I think it’s time to take it to the marketplace. Take God to the marketplace. Don’t tell people what to believe, show them. Pray for them. It can’t hurt. That’s what Jesus was on about anyway, going to the cracks of society to meet their needs and show them His love for them. That’s what draws people to God – how His love meets them where they are.

Of course, it scares me, the marketplace. I don’t even dare to pray for my own family members like that, ripe harvest in my own backyard.

But I wasn’t scared today, like I usually am. I think because God was very clear in wanting me to do this thing and I wanted the same. And it happened. It’s quite cool. He helped me overcome myself, like not to think or worry so much, not being anxious about what my cousin might think, and to not care about anything being awkward (greatest arch nemesis ever). Really felt this supernatural peace, that this is right and good in God’s sight to do and it will be done and I’m just literally His hands and feet. I just hope I’ll be able to do the same with other things, obey His call in the marketplace. It’s usually a big (scary) deal for me, sharing God in the marketplace. I think it always is for a lot of people.

Busy week ahead. Teaching cell and doing worship on the same week wew. Literally cannot life until after church on Sunday akdsnakln.

Then again, this is the life. Better busy in God’s house than letting the devil do his work with idle hands.

And for my sin… it will be the proverbial thorn in my side which I shall contend with until I die I think. Retreated back under the carpet for now. Only hope its relapse won’t be that messy. Ungh it consumed me for three months. Have to make up for lost time now.

I Just Remembered

I had a bit of thanksgiving that I wanted to put up here!

I kept putting it off because… I dunno, life. And busy. But life will always be busy so this is part of the busy that I have to life.

Catch that? Yep, coming through real clear here. Anyhoo.

So imma gonna share three thanksgivings, to be exact, because after I procrastinated on the first one, a couple more came in and I was like dontforgetdontforgetdontforget so I’m writing it all down now.

They aren’t really what I considered a big deal of a testimony. Like, they aren’t radical and mindblowing, all that kind of jazz. But when I was there and God came through, it was important, it is important to me, no matter how small it seemed. So.

The first one happened way back in December 2015 when I was at a church camp. My brother and I were in a bit of a fitness fever then. He was prepping to go to the army and I was just trying to not be a potato. We were gonna swim on our last free and easy afternoon because we’d been eating too much for meals (dat buffet tho).

Apparently we weren’t the only ones thinking of spending our time at the pool. When we went to check it out, we were greeted by a cacophony of little kids with their parents, splashing about and having a great time. It was going to be impossible to swim through that ruckus. We were like, erm, now, what. But we tried to be optimistic about this so we changed and met back at the pool in 15 minutes.

The pool was completely cleared by the time we came back. It was amazing how all those people completely disappeared so quickly.  At first we were thrilled. But then we realised why everyone had left.

It was raining.

It wasn’t a very heavy rain, but it was heavy enough such that it wasn’t the safest to swim. We meandered along the edges of the pool and settled in the deck chairs, unsure. We didn’t want to have to swim in fear of getting struck by lightning or whatever, but we didn’t want to go back and change again. We were all ready to hop in and burn some fat.

So we sat and we thought we would wait it out. Maybe like 10, 15 minutes.

It was one of those annoying things, where you’re all revved and prepped and things happen. Like rain. You can’t really tell with rain when it will stop and stuff. If it were just the kids. we could at least swim through and kick them out of the way (HAHA just kidding we only kick them sometimes but that’s because they DON’T LOOK WHERE THEY SWIMMING, plus we’re such long people). But you can’t control the rain.

I think it was the message of the camp that actually led me to pray. I can’t remember the message now, ironically, but it made me pray. So I prayed aloud, very shortly and simply, something like “Dear God, please stop the rain so that we can swim. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

We waited for a little while more, watching the pool, before we realised that the ripples on the surface were getting fewer. The rain was lightening up. Brother was amazed. “Wow, it actually worked!”  In my head, I was like, well, duh, he walked on water and calmed the storm, what’s a bit of rain to him? But I was also amazed. Like, sometimes I pray and I don’t always expect the ‘yes’ because of the trusting in His sovereignty thing. Then when He does say yes, I’m like yay.

By the time we snapped on our goggles and slipped into the pool, the ripples had completely stopped.

It took less than two minutes or so since I prayed. God is so amazing. I can’t help feeling that he made it rain to clear the pool out haha. Both of us had the entire pool to ourselves to do our laps so that was great. Really thank God for that.

The other two happened when I was in UK. They’re really very minor things compared to what God did over the course of my exchange but these two stuck the most.

I got a really bad case of hiccups once. I never usually get hiccups and even if I did, they weren’t this bad. It really hurt and they wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t study or anything and I was just hoping that they go away. I think it was near my bedtime too, but I couldn’t sleep with such a bad fit of hiccups.

I was like God pleaseeeeee stop my hiccups. Make it stahppp it hurts.

And then they really stopped. Just like that. Bam. Like I was expecting the next hiccup and it didn’t come. It didn’t come at all after that. It just died. Dayummm.

Then the other time, God fixed the tap in my sink. It started to leak no matter how tightly I screwed the taps. It never leaked before but now it wouldn’t stop. I put an empty bottle to catch all that water and it kept filling up too quickly. I tried to get the maintenance people to fix it for me but I couldn’t find the email with my maintenance account details so I couldn’t file a report. On hindsight, I guess I could have just gone to the office to tell them about it, but I had heard how anal they were about strictly filing for maintenance online. No walk-ins allowed. So. I prayed. I tried to do without praying at first and really tightened the taps to the max. But it wouldn’t stop. And I couldn’t get maintenance.

So I prayed when I was tightening the taps this one time and lo, it actually stopped leaking. I waited for a while because you think it stops but it’s still leaking, just real slowly.

It actually stopped. Hwahaha. Ecstatic.

If you’re still with me, this is why I don’t go up in the front to share testimonies. Because this is what I would share and it’s so. Meh. But, yeah. God is the main character. It’s not about my lame problems, it’s about how God comes through them no matter how lame.

They still amaze me though. Thank you God for listening to all my small prayers like this. You awesome.